His, Hers, Mine, Ours….

20 Sep

So the question came up today on where do the lines get drawn between the ‘us’ in a relationship and where the ‘us’ stops. It really wasn’t something I had thought about in the past. I’m always encouraging my spouse to think more in terms of the us and less like a bachelor as he did for so many years. Today I realized the perhaps I need to be more specific in what I want to receive!

We’ve all done it, we all go to our coworkers with the details of home life. Some of us do it for advice on how to get through. Others share daily life to brag or make someone else laugh. Until recently it had never occurred to me how much this really happens. As I think back on my days as a working mother, I remember many a day spent picking a coworkers thoughts on what were private, personal topics that I needed unraveling. I admit doing that very thing came back to bite me once or twice before I was much more picky about what I shared and didn’t share about myself. But what harm is there when you share about the other people in your life?

The harm comes in when you realize we’re no longer in a day and age where the only time you ‘socialize’ with people is at the company Christmas party. Our society is all about being socially networked now. I run into many an instance where someone I’m related to is friends with someone from where I graduated high school. I would never know that the loop existed without facebook and myspace putting it all out there for me to see. I realize much more how things you say get around.

So the question was breached on in a marriage or other just as intimate relationship, what information is fair grabs to share with your coworkers and what isn’t? Do you want to walk up to your significant others coworkers and suddenly realize they know what side you sleep on, whether you drool at night, and how you prefer your coffee? Would you rather not be the topic of conversation at all? Granted you are a very important piece of your husband/wife’s life. You’re bound to come up in not only conversation, but in comparisons to other husbands and wives. The real question here is where does your private life start and stop and should you have to define it?

Personally I’ve found that I’m not comfortable being the center of conversations. I’d almost rather not know that anything was discussed about me at work that day. My children’s lives and anecdotes are free game, but I’m actually quite a shy individual and like to be in control of the picking and choosing what is revealed about me and to whom. The very writing of this blog is a bold step for me…and you’d better believe that many a entry is filtered to keep it private from certain prying eyes. But I also know that I believe I need to write again, I need to share parts of me that I haven’t in the past in order to grow. It helps to see my life have meaning (and confusion) in writing so that I can go back and remember.

I’m sure there are many out there that do not mind being an open book. Where do you stand?

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